You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
