How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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