Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
