i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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