my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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