you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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