also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
