I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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