There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
