Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
