I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
