I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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