we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
