tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize