How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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