Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
