Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
