Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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