Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
