I love black thongs
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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