I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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