Can i not drive my cunt home
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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