my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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