I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
