Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
third nipple confirmed
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
