god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
