I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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