I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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