i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
