He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
