Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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