Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
