Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
