is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize