I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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