Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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