Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
