im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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