He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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