Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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