I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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