me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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