remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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