the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
