You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
