I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
