how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
