ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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