And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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