i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
