I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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