my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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