Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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