They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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