ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
