Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize