Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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