remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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