just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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