Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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