I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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