did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
