You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
